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So after almost 3 and a half years, my beloved has decided he likes it enough to put a ring on it. Good for him. So we’re getting married! Yay!  Good for us. So what do I do? Start a blog. Like every other bride to be, it seems. So I separate myself by saying I’m quirky. Riiiiiiight. Well, you say, are you going so offbeat that you could possibly compare to our Tim Burton-Reimagines-Labyrinth-With-Purple-Pirates-And-Blue-Meanies- themed wedding? Ummmm, no. Not that quirky. Quirky like no diamonds. Quirky like a Spain-themed wedding with Italian traditions and Irish music. Quirky like I will not be wearing heels, a veil, or (if I can get away with it… and I probably won’t) make-up. Okay, maybe it’s not the most interesting thing or most deserving of a blog, but the engagement is just the tip of the ice cube. There’s a whole powder keg of things that can come up, and that’s mainly what I’ll probably be writing about. So, let me introduce the cast to you in their slightly modified (read: change their names and probably nothing else) versions:

Kelly (Me), Bride to Be.  24, aspiring teacher, about to start Master’s degree program. Has degrees in English and Spanish.

Calvin, Groom to Be. 22, aspiring college professor. About to get his two undergrad degrees in Spanish and History

And before I have to play the Raindrops for you (“Oh no, we’re not too young, young to get married…” catchy little ditty, that), it will be a 2 and a half year engagement. By the time we marry, I will be 27 and he will be 25. We’ll have been together for almost 6 years by then. We are also planning to tie the knot December 15, 2012, just in case the Mayans were right. They won’t be, but just in case. And we will be paying for the wedding ourselves, so I am free to complain about:

Dad. My father, the landlord. Blue collar maintainance worker. OCD makes Adrian Monk look well-adjusted. Told my therapist he wouldn’t approve if I brought Jesus Chris home, thus igniting the spark of an amateur stand-up routine. Maybe I’ll actually perform it. I was always his little girl, until I graduated college and didn’t blow all the doors off right away. Has other stuff to worry about, like my grandmother in the nursing home with a stroke and aphasia, or my

Mom. My mother. A nurse who is currently undergoing chemo for breast cancer. I love her, and I support her, but I can’t look to her for clues on how she wants me to deal with her cancer. I don’t know how to respond. So I write. She’s excited for me. Cal unwittingly proposed on their 28th wedding anniversary. How sweet! She hasn’t been working, so she gets that kind of puppy-dog excited when I come home because she hasn’t had anyone to talk to all day except

Millhouse. Our dog. Since I am changing names, I might as well change the biggest one that would give me away. Our dog is named after a character in a movie, but not Millhouse. And Millhouse is not a meme.

Dave. My brother, 20 years old, in college majoring in partying, I suppose… well, technically history. We still have some good old sibling rivalry going on, and it follows he thinks Cal is a wuss (which even Cal admits he is). Whether or not he’s going to do the brotherly “You break her heart, I will kill you” speech is up for open debate.

Dinah. Cal’s mom. My future mother-in-law. One of the coolest people I know, a real survivor. I hope I can do her proud, because Cal is her only child. She’s married to

Todd. Cal’s step-dad. He likes me well enough, but he can be kinda freaky right-wing Jesus nut sometimes. He’s getting better about that.

Those are the families. Now, to my trusty bridesmaids, who will hopefully keep me out of the madhouse or prison…

Laura: Maid of Honor. My best friend since grade school. Only person I let consistently call me “Kel”.

Darla: Bridesmaid. Friend from high school and college. Was in charge of keeping me occupied while Cal was rigging his proposal. Wanted to be the one sitting in the back of my big Catholic church wedding (how disappointed she’ll be) snarking at the religiousness. We went to Catholic high school together, and I was a bit, um, less informed than I am now.

Julia: Bridesmaid. Friend from college. Soon-to-be Juris Doctor, she’s the one who had to ask if it was too much to pray that I would let her wear pink. I promptly gagged and said no. She promptly responded by threatening me with hot pink tulle if she ever gets married. Apparently she is on the lookout for an ex-raver with an ’80s complex.

Vicky: Bridesmaid. Friend from high school and beyond, the token flaming redhead. the one who got to hear most of my agonizing over whether/when Cal would propose to me. Would have taken matters into her own hands if he didn’t do it when he did.

Alex: Bride Knight. Friend from college, basically my big brother I never had. Bride Knight is an old tradition where the bride would be escorted to church by a bunch of young men with no interest in kidnapping and ravishing her. Also, I can’t bear to make Cal put up with him, although I love them both haha.

Cal is still in the process of deciding on his side of the party, but I”ve had mine figured out for a while. But on the bright side, I have not been planning this since I was 4, so I will not be needing oversized My Little Ponys or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in white dresses.

961 days til I get married. On your quirk, get set, plan!

Uh oh, the runaway bride got away!


July 2019
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